The hallmarks
of mentally tough people are actually strategies that you can begin using
today.
1. They’re emotionally intelligent.
Emotional intelligence is the cornerstone
of mental toughness. You cannot be mentally tough without the ability to fully
understand and tolerate strong negative emotions and do something productive
with them. Moments that test your mental toughness are ultimately testing your
emotional intelligence (EQ).
Unlike your
IQ, which is fixed, your EQ is a flexible skill that you can improve with
understanding and effort. It’s no wonder that 90 percent of top performers have
high EQs and people with high EQs earn $28,000 more annually (on average) than
their low-EQ counterparts.
Unfortunately,
EQ skills are in short supply. TalentSmart has tested more
than a million people, and we’ve found that just 36 percent of these are able
to accurately identify their emotions as they happen.
2. They’re confident.
“Whether you
think you can, or think you can’t—you’re right.” – Henry Ford
Mentally tough
people subscribe to Ford’s notion that your mentality has a powerful effect on
your ability to succeed. This notion isn’t just a motivational tool—it’s a
fact. A recent study at the University of Melbourne showed that confident
people went on to earn higher wages and get promoted more quickly than others
did.
True confidence—as opposed to the false confidence people project to mask their
insecurities—has a look all its own. Mentally tough people have an upper hand
over the doubtful and the skittish because their confidence inspires others and
helps them to make things happen.
3. They neutralize toxic people.
Dealing with
difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. Mentally tough people
control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in
check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation
rationally. They identify their emotions and don’t allow anger or frustration
to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult person’s standpoint and are
able to find common ground and solutions to problems. Even when things
completely derail, mentally tough people are able to take the toxic person with
a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.
4. They embrace change.
Mentally tough
people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of
change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and
happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and
they form a plan of action should these changes occur.
Only when you
embrace change can you find the good in it. You need to have an open mind and
open arms if you’re going to recognize, and capitalize on, the opportunities
that change creates.
You’re bound
to fail when you keep doing the same things you always have in the hope that
ignoring change will make it go away. After all, the definition of insanity is
doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
5. They say no.
Research
conducted at the University of California in San Francisco showed that the more
difficulty you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress,
burnout and even depression. Mentally tough people know that saying no is
healthy, and they have the self-esteem and foresight to make their no’s clear.
When it’s time
to say no, mentally tough people avoid phrases such as “I don’t think I can” or
“I’m not certain.” They say no with confidence because they know that saying no
to a new commitment honors their existing commitments and gives them the opportunity
to successfully fulfill them.
The mentally
tough also know how to exert self-control by saying no to themselves. They
delay gratification and avoid impulsive action that causes harm.
6. They know that fear is the No. 1
source of regret.
Mentally tough
people know that, when all is said and done, they will lament the chances they
didn’t take far more than they will their failures. Don’t be afraid to
take risks.
I often hear
people say, “What’s the worst thing that can happen to you? Will it kill you?”
Yet death isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you. The worst thing that
can happen to you is allowing yourself to die inside while you’re still alive.
It takes
refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering.
Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while
forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to
balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement.
This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.
7. They embrace failure…
Mentally tough
people embrace failure because they know that the road to success is paved with
it. No one ever experienced true success without first embracing failure.
By revealing
when you’re on the wrong path, your mistakes pave the way for you to succeed.
The biggest breakthroughs typically come when you’re feeling the most
frustrated and the most stuck. It’s this frustration that forces you to think
differently, to look outside the box and to see the solution that you’ve been
missing.
8. …yet they don’t dwell on mistakes.
Mentally tough
people know that where you focus your attention determines your emotional
state. When you fixate on the problems that you’re facing, you create and
prolong negative emotions and stress, which hinders performance. When you focus
on actions to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of
personal efficacy, which produces positive emotions and
improves performance.
Mentally tough
people distance themselves from their mistakes, but they do so without
forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy
enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success.
9. They won’t let anyone limit their
joy…
When your
sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to
others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When mentally tough
people feel good about something they do, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or
accomplishments take that away from them.
While it’s
impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t
have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with
a grain of salt. Mentally tough people know that regardless of what people
think of them at any particular moment, one thing is certain—they’re never as
good or bad as people say they are.
10. …and they don’t limit the joy of
others.
Mentally tough
people don’t pass judgment on others because they know that everyone has
something to offer, and they don’t need to take other people down a notch in
order to feel good about themselves.
Comparing
yourself to other people is limiting. Jealousy and resentment suck the
life right out of you; they’re massive energy-stealers. Mentally tough
people don’t waste time or energy sizing people up and worrying about whether
or not they measure up.
Instead of
wasting your energy on jealousy, funnel that energy into appreciation. When you
celebrate the success of other people, you both benefit.
11. They exercise.
A study
conducted at the Eastern Ontario Research Institute found that people who
exercised twice a week for 10 weeks felt more socially, intellectually and
athletically competent. They also rated their body image and self-esteem
higher. Best of all, rather than the physical changes in their bodies being
responsible for the uptick in confidence, which is key to mental toughness, it
was the immediate, endorphin-fueled positivity from exercise that made all the
difference.
12. They get enough sleep.
It’s difficult
to overstate the importance of sleep to increasing your mental toughness. When
you sleep, your brain removes toxic proteins, which are by-products of neural
activity when you’re awake. Unfortunately, your brain can remove them
adequately only while you’re asleep, so when you don’t get enough sleep,
the toxic proteins remain in your brain cells, wreaking havoc by impairing your
ability to think—something no amount of caffeine can fix.
Mentally tough
people know that their self-control, focus and memory are all reduced when they
don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep, so they make quality sleep a top
priority.
13. They limit their caffeine intake.
Drinking
excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, the source of
the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational
thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a
bear is chasing you but not so great when life throws you a curve.
When caffeine
puts your brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions
overrun your behavior. Caffeine’s long half-life ensures you stay this way as
it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body. Mentally tough people
know that too much caffeine is trouble, and they don’t let it get the better of
them.
Mentally tough
people know that life goes a lot smoother once you let go of grudges and
forgive even those who never said they were sorry. Grudges let negative events
from your past ruin today’s happiness. Hate and anger are emotional parasites
that destroy your joy in life.
The negative
emotions that come with holding on to a grudge create a stress response in your
body, and holding on to stress can have devastating consequences (both
physically and mentally). When you forgive someone, it doesn’t condone their
actions; it simply frees you from being their eternal victim.
15. They’re relentlessly positive.
Keep your eyes
on the news for any length of time, and you’ll see that it’s just one endless
cycle of war, violent attacks, fragile economies, failing companies and
environmental disasters. It’s easy to think the world is headed downhill fast.
And who knows?
Maybe it is. But mentally tough people don’t worry about that because they
don’t get caught up in things they can’t control. Instead of trying to start a
revolution overnight, they focus their energy on directing the two things that
are completely within their power—their attention and their effort.
Mental
toughness is not an innate quality bestowed upon a select few. It can be
achieved and enjoyed.
What else
makes people mentally tough? How many of these 15 qualities describe you?
Please share your thoughts in the comments section below as I learn just as
much from you as you do from me.
